The sheer grandeur of our universe, the fact that we're living in a tiny speck of dust floating around a slightly larger speck of dust in an infinite space made up of endless void, puts things into perspective. This line of thought always had an influence on my outlook on life. I always kept people at a distance fearing the worst. Life was simple but never without setbacks. My view on things was always grim, assuming the worst possible outcomes and basing my decisions accordingly. Binge drinking always seemed like the easiest way to cope with my insecurities, regrets, and bad memories (of which I had plenty). I didn't have much to complain but I could always sense something was lacking - Hope.
But life had other plans for me. I happened to cross paths with this glimmer of hope whom I met not long ago. She always had this spark within her. Her eyes sparkle like the infinite ocean of stars in the milky way galaxy. Her smile could melt even the hardest of diamonds. She truly had a beautiful soul. But it all started for me on one fine evening. It was the day I had to say goodbye. As the elevator doors closed while I was leaving, time slowed down. Suddenly I felt this strange new energy within me that seemed to cause time itself to freeze. I savored every microsecond of the glimpse I could get of her, as the doors met each other like a final act of a classic theater show where the curtains close. This was truly something I'd never felt or experienced before for anyone. A large barrage of positive emotions followed, overwhelming me with a sense of hope and optimism. I could sense my perspectives change as this strange positive feeling compelled me to start smiling like an idiot. But one thing was for sure, I had to figure out what had just happened to me. After several days and nights of overthinking, reevaluating, and introspection one thing was clear. I was head over heels for this person. Mornings became better because I always looked forward to interacting with this person. My heart started pounding with joy and excitement every single time my phone had a notification alert. Food started to taste better. My overall outlook on life started to transform, backed by this flood of good, positive feelings I had started to experience. Every single conversation, every single moment, and every single memory or thought I had about her is and will be something I'll always cherish to the fullest. I had started to finally acknowledge the fact that I was falling for this gem of a person.
But fate allowed me to meet her again. I wasn't going to jeopardize any potential of being in her presence in the future, and that kept me up most of the time. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to spend time with her on two separate occasions this time. Long story short, I ended up falling for her again (several times). I love how she holds her hair while the breeze flows gently over her cute, angel-like hair. My heart sinks every time she smiles or even talks. It truly felt like I was lost in an ocean of joy every time we had a conversation. Every time I hear her soothing voice, all my problems fade away. I had never felt this for anyone and can't even imagine feeling this for someone else. Never in my life have I felt more confident and this level of clarity, ever. All my priorities and perspectives fell in line and this godsend of a person was the one. Every time I think of her, I can truly sense my heart becoming kinder, warmer, more compassionate, and lastly, full of hope. Maybe life doesn't really have a purpose but this beautiful feeling has definitely realigned my perspective on life. I am thankful for every incident that led me to this path. I honestly have no clue where this path will lead but I'm inspired enough to explore it to the fullest. So what if we're just mortal nobodies living on a tiny speck of dust? I have been an atheist for most of my life but for the first time, I really wish or hope there is someone up there listening. Not to make wishes but to thank them for allowing me to meet this amazing, beautiful gem of a person, and for that I'm grateful.
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